whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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