I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
