Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just want nice things and good sex
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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