"it" just moved
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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