she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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