i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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