I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
