Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
