i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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