ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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