I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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