i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
