dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Randomize
