She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
