I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
