There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
