Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
