Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
