Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
