she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
