so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
