she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just want nice things and good sex
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried