my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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