Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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