I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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