bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
