I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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