dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
