if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
