I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
