If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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