When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
