Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
