who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
