WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
