Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize