dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
