I'm pants shitting drunk right now
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
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I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
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Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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