Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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