ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
