He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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