A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
