just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
