If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
