roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
