Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
