Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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