just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize