how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
