I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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