what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
