Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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