The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
