Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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