I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Randomize
