fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
