grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
