Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
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