New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
