He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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