OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
