just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
