In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
