My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
