If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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