If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize