just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
