Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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