So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
