I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
