I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
