it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize