so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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