I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
