so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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