My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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