I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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