UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
