atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
