I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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